How I Changed and What I Learned in Sophomore Year

A lot has happened in sophomore year. Each week felt long, yet when I added up all the weeks they passed by pretty quickly. When I think about who I was when I stepped on MIT's campus, I have changed a lot in various ways (academically, socially, physically, etc.). I have also learned lots of lessons, some which were hard. Here are some notable changes that I have experienced over the past school year: 

Academic and Professional Interests

When I applied to MIT and other colleges, I wrote essays about wanting to major in biochemistry because of my fascination with the intersection of chemistry and biology. Before orientation, I was part of the Discover Chemistry FPOP (Freshman Pre-Orientation Program) group. I couldn't wait to do research that would contribute to developing new medicines and other therapies. 

It wasn't until the summer after freshman year that I started to have doubts about my major. The TAs in my chemistry lab class were fine, but I felt depressed staying in lab for 6-8 hours a week on labs that haven't undergone significant changes in the past ten or twenty years. I still find chemistry research to be interesting, but the fact that the curriculum didn't really change much made me feel a little sad. Of course, click chemistry and cycloaddition is relevant for making prodrugs, but I didn't really like the idea of solely using traditional techniques. If one looks at the OCW version of classes like 5.12 (Organic Chemistry I), 5.13 (Organic Chemistry II), or 5.60 (Thermodynamics), it's not much different in terms of content. On the other hand, there are new topics in biology classes like 7.03 (Genetics) because there are so many new biotechnologies out there like CRISPR and other gene therapies. 

Another thing was that I didn't really like the MIT Chemistry Department. The professors are fine, the administrators are nice, the principal lab instructor is caring, but I just couldn't stand being in such a small department. To some extent, it felt isolating and lonely. While I could make this case about the MIT Biology Department, it is bigger because of Coruse 6-7 (Computer Science and Molecular Biology) and there are a lot more faculty members who hold joint appointments in other departments Brain and Cognitive Sciences (BCS),  Biological Engineering, Chemistry, etc. In other words, I liked how the MIT Biology Department research was more interdisciplinary across different institutions like the Broad, Whitehead, Ragon, and the Koch. 

The biggest factor was that I just couldn't stop thinking about how most of my peers at MIT major in either computer science, math, or some combination that involves CS or math or both. I felt like I was doing something wrong, even though what you major in isn't necessarily right or wrong. It's about fit. I felt like the odd one out, being a life science major whose major didn't require any basic programming whatsoever. Reading Chemistry by Weike Wang last summer may have contributed to this sense of despair because I was depressed reading about a narrative that sounded quite familiar: a chemistry PhD student in the Boston area (probably MIT or Harvard) hates life and decides to leave the program. I understood the frustration of doing so many experiments with little to no progress and the expectation to love science even when it doesn't love you back. 

These nagging feelings contributed to some of my sophomore slump last fall and I had some mini-quarter-life crises about what I wanted to do in the future. The more I stayed in the lab, the less I wanted to do graduate school. Lab class made me wonder if doing a PhD in biochemistry or some similar field meant staying in a lab for 6 years, repeating the same experiments to get the results so papers can get published. I thought of being premed for a month and after thinking more about it, I decided it wasn't for me. Course 6-7 sounded more appealing over time, even though I knew I was going to suffer and get a string of Bs in Course 6 (Computer Science) classes. It was going to be painful, but what mattered more was what career prospects I wanted in the future after graduation. 

I spent an hour analyzing the MIT alum directory of what people in Course 5-7 (Chemistry and Biology) did after graduation and it was either PhD, MD, or MD/PhD. If it wasn't graduate school, then it was being a research associate or technician in a lab. On the other hand, when I analyzed what Course 6-7 alums were doing, it was more varied, with some working in health tech companies, others in software companies like Google, and the rest working in biotech or some life science field. 

These reasons led me to change my major to Course 6-7 a few days before the deadline which allowed immediate changes that could be implemented during the spring semester. Changing majors is not ideal, but I am fortunate that I can still graduate on time since I am almost done with the biology requirements of the major. I don't really know what I want to do after graduation, but at least I have an extra path. Also, Course 6-7 allows me to do a fifth year at MIT to graduate with a MEng that involves completing a thesis and taking four graduate classes, which is doable.  

Back when I was wondering what I was going to do as a Course 5-7, the idea of consulting at MBB companies (McKinsey, BCG, Bain) was alluring because those companies recruit a lot and do a good job at marketing the positions. During spring semester, however, I grew disillusioned with consulting and my heart simply didn't feel comfortable about being a generalist at a MBB company because of the ethics and my lack of interest in helping companies with increasing profits. I know that isn't all what consulting is about as some help government agencies and nonprofits. But I just found the interview case prep studies to be so boring. Like, why do I care about helping an amusement park with revenue? There are more important issues out there I would rather spend my time thinking about instead of preparing many slides and presenting at many meetings. 

For now, I would at most go for biotech consulting firms because while it is very stressful, the work involves being engaged with new companies that have novel ideas when it comes to the field of translational medicine or therapeutics. After surviving 6.009 (Fundamentals of Programming), I would much rather painfully practice Leetcode over the summer and try for a SWE position at a small to mid-size company instead of reading case prep books for a MBB internship. The idea of using code to create something that can be used by people sounds more fascinating to me nowadays. Also, it's more popular to do SWE at MIT versus consulting. I also realized having some computational knowledge while having some foundation in wet lab research would help me find more internships in biotech, like ones involving ML/AI or internships at health tech companies. Of course, I have a very long way to go but I am open to pursuing this path. 

Time Management

I had these observations in freshman year, though they weren't really obvious until sophomore year. I noticed that I would get a lot of work done if I forced myself to go to office hours to get help and figure out how to finish the problem set. Looking back, it's kind of silly of me to be so stubborn by staying in my dorm to "do" work because I found the dorm to be so comfortable. I was so lazy that I wasn't willing to walk 12-15 minutes to go the library. But after talking with my S^3 (Student Support Services) dean, I realized that ultimately it is better that I choose something that is more uncomfortable but in the long run will yield better results versus choosing something that is more comfortable but having little yield. It wasn't until May that I started spending more time in Barker Library to complete assignments like making my cheat sheet for my midterm or writing a lab report. 

It's tempting to stay in my dorm room, but it's honestly not conducive for work. For some, being in an environment like a dorm room that's both for relaxation and work may not be an issue. For others like me, however, it's hard to separate the two settings. The dorm isn't loud, but the walls are thin so I can hear phone conversations and other noises. Also, there's the kitchen and quiet lounge to distract me by talking to people or getting food. Socializing is healthy, but it's important to block times designated for socializing instead of having that interrupt precious hours of deep work. 

I also learned that college assignments are so long (12-15 hours) and difficult that the only way to complete them on time is to start them way before the due date. Even starting a day or two later (5 days before the due date vs a week before) increases the chance of a late assignment. This was especially the case for my programming class. 

Running

If you told me that I would end up training for a marathon when I was a freshman, I wouldn't believe you. Even a marathon walk. I sadly did not get to run the marathon because of a hamstring injury on my right leg, though I managed to run my longest distance of 20 miles for the marathon simulation as part of the training. In terms of official events, I ran a half marathon last year, which was the first in my life. 

I think being in Boston made me want to start running since the Boston Marathon is such a big deal and there are so many runners running along the Charles River that goes as far as from the Science Museum to Watertown Square. Also, the river is very beautiful and the Boston skyline is just amazing. It's hard to say no to not running along Memorial Drive or the Esplanade. 

It's hard to convince my younger self why running is fun, but it feels so freeing. It makes me not think about school too much, allows me to leave campus for an hour or two, and makes me just focus on the present moment by making note of the sun, wind, blue sky, etc. Running just makes me feel alive and healthy. 

Hobbies 

I sadly gradually stopped playing piano this school year except during IAP because I didn't really have much to do besides Chinese Calligraphy. To make up for this artistic loss, I started practicing Chinese calligraphy once a week because I couldn't bear the idea of forgetting this precious skill I developed in my IAP class. It's not the same as playing piano, but the effect on me has some overlap because of its calming and peaceful effect. 

Romance 

I started off my school year by publishing my most-read article titled Being Cynical about Love on The Tech. This was probably the most personal article I ever published on The Tech and I knew I was probably oversharing a bit too much, even though I did not reveal the person's identity that much (no obvious clues). I was surprised to have so much support from people who read my articles and didn't think about how my article was relatable. 

It took me quite a few months for me to not be that cynical and it probably wasn't until February of this year that I truly moved on from my former crush and was at peace. 

Then in late April I started developing feelings for a friend, which was one of the strangest experiences ever in my life. Before, I got crushes on people I barely knew or talked to, which doesn't really make sense but it's so hard to explain. This person, however, was someone who I knew decently well and saw more often than my previous crushes. 

In my Tech article, I talked about how much I hated getting crushes, but it wasn't until recently that I realized that what I hated was getting a crush on someone I barely knew. The crush I had this year was much more liberating and did not involve that much self-hatred because my reasons for liking him felt more rational compared to the one before. I knew him for a while as good friends and while we weren't exactly alike, my intuition told me we would get along pretty well. Liking him made me realize how bad it was for me to pine for a guy I barely knew for two years. The differences in my emotions and feelings when comparing my former crush to this year's one are significant. 

Before, I felt like I had to impress him with my intellect and sophisticated knowledge of books, musics, etc. I spent way too much time trying to craft good text messages. I knew deep down I probably wouldn't be very close friends with his friends. I sometimes cringe when I think of how I talked to my former crush as if I was asking him lists of questions I prepared beforehand, but I think I gained some advice on what not to do in the future when talking to other people, which is to not say things that make you sound opinionated or judgmental. Of course, it is valid to have some opinions like hating TikTok for being addictive, but sometimes it's important to be considerate and come at an angle that's a bit more forgiving and understanding. I also learned that I really should be patient and listen to someone's whole story before I interrupt them and ask them questions before they finish, even if I strongly disagree with them or don't understand their perspective. 

I thought that the difference between infatuation and love was merely based on how long the obsession was. Now, however, I realized it isn't based on the duration. The whole thing about a crush being 4 months and love being more than that is silly. The crush I had before was simply a two-year infatuation, not love. 

On the other hand, talking to this other crush felt so natural and I felt like I was being my genuine self. There was no need to overthink text messages or plan out what I wanted to say. Yes, there was the stage of obsession and feeling giddy, but it wasn't pure infatuation. 

I had some inkling that he may have a crush on me, so I decided to casually ask him out to go to the art museum with me. The "date" went well and I ended it by confessing my feelings as we sat on a bench facing the Charles River. He said he reciprocated and the rest is history. Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration since currently we are in the stage of knowing each other better and we aren't official yet. But it's something new for me and progress. This whole section can be its own blog post since I have gone through a lot of introspection about my thoughts on love. I don't really know what love is, but I think I am a bit more aware than before. 

Conclusion

It's crazy how much I have learned and changed in a span of a year and I can't wait how I will be in the next two years. Hopefully I will be in a better spot than now, since I now view things like time management and productivity as something that requires continuous effort. It is cyclic in nature as it requires constant reflection and frequent check-ins instead of being a linear trajectory.