Skip to main content

Reading the Letter I Wrote From My Younger Self

Recently, I received a surprise in the mailbox. I got my letter that I wrote four years ago that was addressed to my 2021 self. Before opening the letter, the only thing I could remember was that I put a lot of pressure on myself at that time to get into a top college. This is what I wrote before entering high school: 

Dear self, 

Currently, I am a nerdy student that has low self-confidence. Everyone says I am smart but I somehow never believe that to be true [1]. I am hard working and persevering. I don't give up even if I stumble and fall down [2]. I like playing piano though I should put more effort into it. I HAVE TO! I like reading and listening to music. I am a little nervous about high school because I am scared that it is harder than middle school. However, I am glad to learn more things and take the classes I want. The good thing about going to a new high school is that I won't have to see or be with some idiotic boys that everyone hates [3]. I am excited about joining clubs in high school, especially community service clubs [4]. I am scared that I will get a bad teacher that doesn't know how to teach [5]. I am glad that I can go to a school where I don't have to waste an entire period learning health and doing an extra year of PE [6]. I am a little bit nervous that the people at the school are snobbish [7]. 

Addressing my future self: 

I hope that you were successful in high school and you got accepted into an Ivy League school or Stanford or MIT. Please don't tell me you are going to a college you do not want to go to [8]. I hope you did really well on the SAT and you did really well on the English section [9].  I hope that you're the same person as I am in terms of personality [10]. Maybe with more self-esteem [11]. I hope that you made the right friends in high school and had a successful high school career [12]. I hope that you are majoring in STEM [13].

Yours, 

Vivian 

P.S. If you didn't get into an Ivy League school, I will see you cry as you read the letter. Maybe you will be ashamed of yourself for not reaching your dreams [14]. 

7/27/17 4:23 PM [15] 

Footnotes: 

[1] I find it kind of sad that I still struggle with having confidence in myself and I still don't really believe what people say when they compliment me. Yes, I have achieved some things in high school, but self-comparison still remains a major problem. 

[2] I am not sure if this sounds boastful but I would say that is one of my strengths and I am glad that it has still been with me. 

[3] I still remember how frustrating it was for the 8th-grade teacher to maintain order when some of the boys were acting immature and being annoying. For some context, I was writing this letter knowing that I would go to a local private school instead of the public school that was in my district. 

[4] One major change that happened is that my focus in community service and volunteer work is more related to STEM education instead of charity.

[5] Unfortunately, this happened in high school. I am not going to name names. 

[6] This was one of the main reasons I was so happy to have the choice to not go to public school. While I do sometimes complain about the private school I attended, I chose it without having a doubt. 

[7] My school has some international students that tend to be wealthy and some parents in my Chinese community worried that they wouldn't be a good influence, though nothing really bad happened. 

[8] Being the tryhard freshman, I thought that I would be a failure if I didn't get into a prestigious school. That mindset was so stressful and toxic. At that time, I didn't quite grasp the idea that there is nothing wrong with going to a state school. 

[9] This wish did not quite work out. I only scored 740 on the English section, but it is what it is. 

[10] As someone that tends to worry a lot about things that don't happen, I was concerned that I might hang out with people that weren't a good influence and end up doing drugs or drinking alcohol. Thankfully, none of that even happened. 

[11] Maybe I do have a bit more self-esteem, but there still is room for improvement. 

[12] I am thankful I made the right friends and I would say that my high school career met my expectations. Nothing is perfect, but I have come to terms with it. 

[13] That is one prediction I got right. 

[14] The language here is way too harsh. I wonder how my reaction would differ if I was reading this after a season of many college rejections from selective schools. 

[15] I find it kind of creepy that I recorded the exact time with the precision of the nearest minute. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

YearCompass 2022-2023

 2022 had its highest highs and lowest lows. My freshman spring semester was not good, but at least I had the motivation to do well. Summer was probably the closest thing to utopia. Sophomore fall started off fine, but things eventually became a disaster and I am not exaggerating when I use the word "disaster."  Despite being aware of the many failures of this year, I think it is good for me to reflect upon 2022 and establish some goals and resolutions for 2023. Unlike previous years, I decided to give YearCompass a try since YearCompass provides a thorough examination and allows for deep contemplation.  Calendar Go through your calendar week by week. If you see an important event, family gathering, friendly get-together or a significant project, write it down here. Jan. 28-Jan. 30: NYC trip  Feb. 19: first BSO concert (Mozart and Bruckner) Mar. 20-Mar. 25: Washington DC trip  Apr. 16: Parkrun 5k May 11: Evgeny Kissin  Jun. 26: BAA 10k Jul. 24: Revere Beach...
Post a Comment
Read more

My Accepted BU RISE Essays

BU RISE is a 6-week research program at Boston University. In 2019, the acceptance rate was around 16% so it is a selective program. There are two tracks- internship and practicum. The internship is the one I applied to because I wanted to work in a lab. Unfortunately, BU RISE in 2020 was cancelled due to COVID-19. If you are applying to BU RISE, these essays may be a source of inspiration.  1.Why you selected your field of interest and what you would like to research (300 words)  First choice: medical laboratory research (biochemistry) Second choice: chemistry  Ever since 2018, I participated in a Science Olympiad event called Protein Modeling that sparked my interest in proteins. When I learned about the anti-CRISPR protein, it alarmed me that the protein stopped CRISPR from working. Wondering how this could happen, I used Jmol to build and visualize the protein model. Over time, I no longer viewed proteins as messy globs. Instead, I appreciated that the protein’s disti...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Frustrations of Wet Lab

     I am sitting at my desk in the lab, still mad and frustrated that I can’t even pipette properly. My cell counter results are dismal. I don’t know why I am getting such poor percentages for cell viability – I should be getting at least 90%, not 47%. I followed what my supervisor did an hour ago: perform a serial dilution four times, pipette trypan blue into each of the four wells, then pipette a bit of sample into the cell counter plate.       Fortunately, my supervisor came into the cell room to check on me and helped me with pipetting for the cell counter step. He got 89%, close to the ideal threshold. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he said. I could sense that his voice was tinged with frustration, which I understood. I was also mad for not having an answer. What exactly was wrong with my pipetting technique? Did I pipette too quickly, or did I not press the plunger correctly?       The whole cell counter incident frustrates ...
Post a Comment
Read more