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I Can't Be Vulnerable

 The greatest irony as a blogger is that I feel scared of what I will share online. As a result, I prevent myself from writing quite a few topics that I should write. One fear is that I don't want potential readers to judge me like my classmates at school. The other concern is that when I end up finding internships in college, I don't want the recruiters to be reading my blog by searching my name on Google. The reason is that I don't want them to know about my weaknesses and bad side of me. However, my fear is irrational because they will probably understand that everyone has weaknesses and will sometimes not live up to their values. Another worry now rises in my head when I think about how my parents will view me differently when they read this blog. I believe that they only read the blog a couple of times. 

By having these worries, I cannot be vulnerable on the blogs. By doing so, this prevents me from being a good blogger. In my opinion, the blogs I enjoy the most are ones that are vulnerable. They make the bloggers feel a lot more real and complex instead of bloggers that only share happy things in their lives. These are the the people I would like to meet and talk to if I have the chance. When people share their struggles ranging from impostor syndrome to mental health, it makes readers feel that they aren't alone. Of course, I am not encouraging people to share their deepest secrets online if they really feel uncomfortable about that. However, I would think that I should try to become more vulnerable over time instead of staying in my bubble. 

The main reason I cannot be vulnerable is that I am scared of people judging me. The problem with this is that if I am always scared of how people think of me, whether it is my lifestyle choices or past mistakes, then I shouldn't even write a blog. I should just let my thoughts stay in my brain and not share them to anyone. I do not understand why I care about how others perceive me. I cannot please everyone because if I want to please everyone, then I will have no distinct personality. 

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